Stoopid Pee!
I'm sort of appreciated my OB doctor more than I did before, but I still maintain that I hate Tricare and I think their doctors could use another 10 years of education for the most part. The perform their little tasks, but outside of their little knowledge bubble of shoving a speculum into a woman's crotch and finding a heartbeat, they have no idea how anything else relates, works, etc. To me, a good doctor understands that health overall is all relative to everything in a woman's life...exercise, nutrition and certainly mental health...and NOT having a little knowledge in the rest of everything seriously short changes you and the patient. Patient being me!
I've been on Celexa when I am not pregnant and I think it works best for me. But knowing that it's not approved for pregnancy, I had made an appt long ago with another shitty doctor who basically wasted my time. He too, had no knowledge of depression and medication during pregnancy and basically told me two different things. A)Stop taking the medicine or try to take less and B) Well we don't like taking people off their medicines or switching them.
Oh please...obviously they never consult with the mental health department where they push antidepressants like it was candy out of a 25 cent dispenser. Secondly, tell me to quit taking them, but tell me that its bad to switch or go off of them. Suuuure. So....taking a chance with my new OB who has impressed me to some degree when she tracked me down after a lab error with my pap test to do another, rather than ignore me and shuffle me down the pile of paperwork again (not that they could since they lost my chart), she called my house personally to set up another appt. I thought that was nice. So I asked her in semi-confidence about what I should do about my celexa issue. Know what she said?
"Well you don't look depressed, I think you can do without it".
I almost laughed in her face. Actually, I think I did manage to chucke and bite my lip for two seconds, and really did chuckle when she recanted with, "Why? Are you suicidal, are you thinking of killing yourself right now??" with a panicked look in her face.
Uhhh......Nooooooooooooooo?
I calmly mentioned that depression is not neccessarily about killing yourself, that I have other issues as a result of depression rather, and not including wanting to off myself and my unborn child. Thanks, but no. I then rattled off the list to her blank face, anxiety attacks...feeling like someone just grabbed you and put a plastic bag over your head and you can't breath, complete panic that seems to appear whenever it feels like it. Eating, sleeping, weight, energy, detachment issues...on and on.
"Well, if you feel like you need to take it, take it."
Thats it. I give up on trusting doctors. It really made me mad. Dissappointed. All I need is someone with a little fucking knowledge, ya know?
So then it got me thinking about how I have all this junk in the back of my mind that I am yet to sort out and deal with because A) I don't have the time to think about it and deal with it and function as a mother on a daily basis. I can't have bad days, not the kind that digging up this would create.
B) Getting to an appointment at a place where someone *might* know what they are doing, requires time, babysitter, and huge effort, and I have a tendancy to just shove things away because its easier.
Suck it up and move on. Right? Thats what they tell you to do as a soldier, thats what they tell you to do as an Army wife. Don't bitch and complain, you just cause more problems.
Sooo...my new resolution, is to get off my ass and do something. Call around tricare and see if I can dig out something that might help, since I am bound to tricare for now, idiots that they are. If that doesnt work, I don't know. I guess I can just go back to just taking my medication blindly, asking doctors who have no knowledge of the medication, to dispense it to me and just pray I am doing the right thing.